Embracing the Shadows: Finding My Voice in the Silence
Introspection + Growth
June has arrived bringing with it a fresh wave of introspection and growth (not always easy but the way I like it!). A number of people have recommended Carolyn Elliott’s book ‘Existential Kink’ to me, and this week I started to listen to it. Of course, as with all things, I felt called to finally listen to it at what seems is the perfect time for my current level of growth. Through occurrences this week, but also coming in as a message slowly over the last five years or so, I've come to a profound realisation. I had of course heard of ‘shadow work’ but it wasn’t until listening to Carolyn speaking deeper on the topic that I have really understood it.
Carolyn regularly references the work of Carl Jung in her book. Jung was a Swiss psychiatrist and psychoanalyst who founded analytical psychology, introduced the concept of the "shadow" as part of his theories on the human psyche. The shadow represents the unconscious parts of the personality that the conscious ego does not identify with, often containing repressed weaknesses, desires, and instincts. Jung believed that confronting and integrating the shadow is essential for personal growth and self-awareness.
‘Existential Kink’ introduces a radical notion: that we derive a hidden pleasure from our deepest pains and challenges. On hearing this, I was of course left wondering what my kink might be? Despite being known for my outspoken nature and confident demeanour, I've have come to the realisation over time that, throughout my life, I have never felt fully able to express myself; that the full expression of my true voice has been suppressed. This is a pattern rooted in my childhood and perhaps even in my generational history. So as I listened to Carolyn’s words this week, and started to reflect on what my ‘kink’ might be, it soon became apparent to me that it was this. So often I share with those close to me that I feel like I am living just a small portion of my truest expression. I feel that time or circumstances just aren’t aligning for me to fully step out as myself, and I feel frustrated and often resentful about this. However, perhaps it is that I might unconsciously find comfort in the suppression of my voice, and hence I am calling it into my reality!
Recent experiences
This week, in the wake of the continuous horrendous realities in the Middle East, I've faced pressures to speak out about my thoughts and feelings. There are very personal complexities at play for me here. I certainly have thoughts and feelings but I am in a process around sharing them (which I have resolved to do in a time that is right for me and without pressure). This external pressure however, along with conversations with my family, this week have both highlighted again this recurring theme: the feeling that my voice isn't entirely my own to express in a way that is in full alignment with the truly authentic version of me.
So where do I go from here?
Acknowledge the Shadow:
Accepting that I have derived a certain 'kink' or comfort from my suppressed voice may well be my first step. As I continue with the book I hope that this acceptance becomes easier, as whilst I can recognise now that it might be true, right now it feels like a very topsy turvy concept.
Healing the Inner Child:
This week I have really seen and felt my inner child show up many times - sometimes scared, sometimes frustrated - often feeling really out of control. By addressing the childhood experiences that taught me to be less of myself, I can begin to heal and nurture my inner child, assuring her that she can, and absolutely should, express the entirety of herself.
Embracing Full Alignment:
Even more than ever I need to show up in totally to the commitment of living in full alignment with my truth, embracing the discomfort that comes from being ‘fully out there’. What makes others happy, or approving of me, can no longer matter. I know this might seem surprising to those of you who know me - yes, it means making way for an even more expressive version of Rochelle.
What about you?
One of the most powerful lessons from ‘Existential Kink’ is the idea that our shadows, those parts of ourselves we often reject or feel ashamed of, hold the key to our deepest healing and transformation. By embracing and exploring these shadows, we can uncover hidden aspects of ourselves that have been longing for acknowledgment and integration.
As I do this work myself, I invite you to also reflect on your own shadows. Is there a part of you that has been kept small, whether it's your voice, your creativity, your desires, or something else entirely? Consider how you might be unconsciously deriving comfort from this suppression. Acknowledge it, explore it with curiosity, and begin the journey of reclaiming those parts of yourself. By doing so, you not only step into your fullest potential but also inspire others to do the same, as I hope to do myself. Of course read Carolyn’s book to support you through this process if you feel so called to do so.