Surrender to Intimacy

‘I have learned that I was incredibly controlling and I wasn't even aware of it. I have a laidback nature and don't feel 'controlling' at all but when I started to look, I could see the bigger picture. I have always been striving for more balance in my marriage, wanting my husband to step up and take on more responsibility so I felt supported and not like I was his mother. I had no idea it was my grip on control that was preventing more balance in our relationship.’

‘I have recognised the blissful ease that surrendering brings, not just in my relationship with my partner, but the other relationships I have with the masculine (father, friends, co-workers/manager etc). When you give respect and trust that they can lead, protect and support you, it gives the space for them to step into that role, rather than competing with you for it. This in turn gives us the space to flow and just be! I’m only just dipping my toes in and I’m so fascinated by the art of surrendering.’

‘Learning to surrender has brought a freedom and an ease to nearly all my relationships. That looks different with each of the people I’m connected to but overall I’m more fulfilled within my relationships and I can feel balance restoring.’

‘Surrender to me, initially was akin to being a doormat; let men do what they like and say nothing! I was up in arms! What I learned was that surrendering is trusting. Trusting in many ways. To get shopping that actually will feed us, even if the choices wouldn't have been ones I'd make. Trusting that this person can manage their own feelings, and softening to allow them to experience them, not just step in with solutions. Trusting that how that person chooses to move forward in work may not feel like the right choice to me, but softening to acknowledge that the person actually can guide themselves in the ways that they feel called to at that point. Trusting that the person won't hurt you, and that leaning into them, gradually, actually makes them even more protective and responsive. Learning that taking the controlling behaviours out of my responses to all these and other similar situations actually leads to that person empowering themselves!’

‘To surrender I believe is to know yourself well enough to be able to ask, or surrender for help. To recognise you aren’t any less for reaching out and actually you end up being more for sharing the roles. Surrendering is more empowering than the word suggests. It’s being able to stand unapologetically in your full power.’

‘The key question I keep coming back to is whether I want to be ‘right’ in my relationship or foster intimacy, and this is where ‘surrender’ is so powerful.’

‘So much about myself! I've really recognised how I want to control everything, in particular looking after everyone's emotions. It's so good to release that and to realise that I'm trying to do something I can't possibly succeed in. I really notice a difference when I stop myself from saying something unnecessary (sometimes even mid-sentence). It's made a real difference in a few of my relationships.’

‘That it feels so good to let go and just allow.’

‘More balance. A deeper connection. Increased frequency of sex, more intimacy and more open conversations in relation to sex. Less stress generally (because I'm releasing control).’

‘I have noticed my partner wanting to step into the role of protector, leader because I’m giving him that space instead of competing with him or correcting him. By showing him I trust him. I haven’t mastered it at all! But I sure do notice when I manage to surrender how amazing it feels… and how much more at ease, relaxed and in flow I can be.’

‘Deeper connection. More emotional and physical intimacy. Fun, laughter, joy. Deep respect and reciprocity. More balance, less tension.’

‘I feel more aware of ALL of the ways my husband has loved me and shown me love, even at times when I couldn't see it or acknowledge it over the many years we’ve been together. It has made me less fearful to rely on him, particularly as a male figure. It has given him a sense that I trust him, even though he hasn't said so. This has been particularly in relation to house related work - he has moved forward with much more confidence to repair some major things in the house, that I often held him back from. So far, they've worked out!!’

‘Relief, being able to find a way to dance with each other rather than clash. The start of understanding who he is and how he ticks against who I am and how I tick.’

‘More intimacy and trust have been the biggest things. I've been more open with the things I share and talk to him about. I've also made space for him to do things when he's really the best man for the job.’

‘More kindness and laughter and just a feeling of more ease.’

‘More of a team approach, less pressure and expectation on myself.’

‘It’s been really joyful to share discoveries with other women, laugh about what we notice, comfort each other in more challenging moments. I’ve learned so much from the other women’s journeys and wouldn’t have made some of my own discoveries if I hadn’t been in conversation with others.’

‘Hearing others’ experiences has really helped. Sometimes it's made me aware of another shift I could make in this process. Other times I've been supported when I've struggled or just been reminded why we are doing this.’

‘It makes you think of things differently, it’s so wonderful to hear how other people have responded to situations or their reflections on something. It just helps to give more real life experience to the journey.’

‘Control is a hard habit to break and having the reminder to surrender within a community has been invaluable.’

‘I enjoy sharing stories, tips and also having a group of women to remind me how to surrender.’

‘By sharing moments of surrender with other women it expands the tool kit. So then when you come to something you haven’t experienced, you may have heard how another woman dealt with that scenario in a surrendered way.’

‘It's been so useful knowing that I am not alone.’

‘I would say, if you are curious, lean in. Find out more. You'd be surprised how much this work can do for you and your relationships. And who doesn't want to improve their sex life?!’

‘I’m always observing how women speak to their partners and without judgement thinking of how I may go about any scenarios in a more surrendered way, which in turn helps me to always keep learning - if they are friends I try to encourage them with ways in which they could surrender more (without coming across as patronising, more in an informing way, with love). So I would say every woman needs to know about this work! I’d say if you want to feel more ease in your life and have the freedom and space to flow as the gorgeous sensual woman you are, trusting the masculine to lead the way, then dive in!!’

‘Do this work. Go there. Be brave. It will serve you, your relationships, your partner, so, so well.’

‘I'd say that surrendering really isn't about being a doormat, about being meek or silenced, but about recognising your person as the powerful being they are, and about learning to trust that they think the same about you. It's all about relaxing, trusting and responding! Sometimes you have sex too!’

‘I would urge women to listen to their inner self and notice what they are feeling and how they can work on themselves, in a container of like minded women you feel held and celebrated.’

‘Think about how you want to feel in your life, and if the answer includes calmer, more free, more connected, softer and supported then open yourself up to this work.’

‘It's not completely about surrender in all ways regardless of what you want. It's about giving up control that you never should have had (and probably never did have). And spending your energy on the things best suited to you. The best way to think is, do I want, for example, to be right or do I want a good relationship with my partner - of course everyone wants to be right but if you look at the bigger picture it's worth far more to surrender.’

‘Leap in, your whole being and those around you will thank you.’