Emotional Needs
Your Body
with Shireen Masani
Emotional Resilience: Part 3
Emotional Needs
As humans though our cultures, beliefs, morals and backgrounds may vary, we are all the same when it comes to our biological needs in order to survive and thrive. We have certain physical and emotional needs which need to be fulfilled in order for our mental and physical health to flourish. As these needs are vital for longevity of the human race, we are also given with the skillset and abilities to get these needs met. First let’s look at what abilities we possess to have all our needs met.
Skills we are born with to meet our needs:
Emotions - are used to feel and guide us, giving us insight to know when our needs are not being met. Generally emotions which elate us, reinforce our needs are being met. When we experience low vibration feelings e.g. anger, upset, grief, sadness etc. We feel triggered, allowing us to realise certain emotional or possibly physical needs are not being met.
Instincts - these allow us to connect with ourselves, intuitively deciding what could bring connection and happiness or be a threat or potential danger. Examples could be a food whilst foraging centuries ago or these days, when we get the urge to cross the street at night, when passing someone that makes us feel uneasy.
Self awareness - this gives us the ability to go within ourselves and reflect on situations and our behaviour. By being able to step back we can learn and grow, adapting in relationships with others and how we respond to our environment.
Memory - this gives us the ability to learn and remember, building upon our knowledge base. Without this we might be making the same mistakes and we would not have the drive to make the changes after being hurt.
Connection - humans need connection and we thrive on being within communities, feeling supported. In order to connect we need to be able to build rapport, engage and empathise with others. All relationships require this to meet one another’s needs.
Creativity - we may not always realise we have creativity, however this is an innate ability we all carry. Some may express it physically in dance, others with music, art or creating sculptures. Creativity is more than this and part of our day to day life and is more than just creating something, often this is why people do not feel creative as they are expecting so much more. How do we survive threats such as escaping danger, what are we using to communicate to others and what vocabulary we choose or problem solving an issue at work? These all require creativity.
If you feel your creativity is stifled, then by clearing unresolved emotional issues or trauma, you can clear what might well be stopping you from engaging and recognising with your natural skills. Children use their imaginations freely allowing creativity to flow, however if they feel judged for their thoughts they may begin to shut down. When a child who does not like to play or use their imagination it is a sign the child is stuck in the fear response and therefore this skill cannot be expressed, as the body perceives danger.
Consciousness - Our conscious mind is responsible for being present and in the moment with intense focus, something we all require to survive. It can rationalise, form strong engaged relationships, or manage our emotions and reflect and make sense of why we feel like that. This is the part of us we are trying to engage and stay with during meditation. When we want to change our behaviour or life, we need to engage in our conscious brain as our subconscious brain is where all our habits reside or past tapes we download as children during ages 0-7 from what we observe in our significant adults (parents, family members, teachers, neighbours).
Dreaming - when we dream we are processing the thoughts and solving problems from throughout the day, which we did not make time to process.
Physical Needs:
Physical needs are slightly different to emotional needs as without some of these we would die, so these are mostly critical for life. Emotional needs are critical to live well and enjoy life. This list is not exhaustive, though focuses on the main needs.
Air - we need to breathe every moment of our day. We never get a break from breathing which is why in my practice and when working with clients, breath work is vital to good health. Without air we die within approximately 3 minutes.
Water - this is vital for hydration. Without water our cells could not function. Plasma the fluid part of blood is 90% water. It is also important to state we need clean, uncontaminated sources of water. Without water we die in approximately 3 days.
Food - this again is vital to good health but also survival. These days processed foods are a huge part of our diets. When eating these foods we were not designed to eat, it is like putting apple juice into your car and expecting it to carry on as normal. We need certain nutrition from good quality foods. If it requires a label to tell you what is in it, then it is not a whole food or how we would have eaten centuries ago. When labels contain ingredients we can not even pronounce, let alone know what it is, my advice is stay clear. Without food we would survive approximately 3 weeks.
Sleep - is vital for cellular repair and regeneration and to initiate cellular clean up. The brain needs sleep for both memory function and brain health. Without sleep, it is like having a mobile phone and never charging it.
Shelter - this is important to stay warm and dry. When we become cold or wet, it becomes much harder to keep up motivation to find food and function.
Safety - we all need to feel safe in order to be able to focus, learn, concentrate, grow and enjoy life.
Sex - Although sex is enjoyable, these pleasures are biologically entrenched in us, in order to keep the human population alive.
Emotional Needs:
Emotions as I have said, are the key to how we interact, form bonds, relationships, develop trust, communities and develop together. It is also partly to ensure our physical needs are met so as a species we survive.
When we have emotional needs not being met, our behaviour begins to change. We go from being social and happy to withdrawn, over reactive, shut down or disengaged. This is a clear sign that our stress pathway is now in full swing. If we have been treated well and had our needs met, it will be much easier for these people to discuss when a boundary has been crossed and seek a way to resolve the situation.
When a child’s needs are regularly not met, if they do not create a bond to their parents or significant adults or if their physical needs are not being attended to, this child then develops a belief system that they are not worth it, this creates detachment in the child, another biological way to adapt to survive. Detaching is much harder later to resolve as reconnecting to those traumas that caused the detachment can be harmful if not done correctly and with professional help. Some people experience few or no memories from childhood and again this can be a sign that their emotional needs were not met or they experienced trauma in some form.
The good news is, with developing an understanding of our needs both physically and emotionally, we can begin the process of meeting these needs and unravelling the damage caused by the lack of them being attended to in the past. Who we are in our past, or present due to this can be addressed and I truly believe everyone has the ability to heal and create fulfilling and meaningful relationships with people who respect our boundaries and needs.
Exercise:
Below I have created a list with our emotional needs that are important to be met by others, by ourselves and what we give to others too.
If you wish to have a PDF version of this to print and put up somewhere where all the family can access and use it. Please email me for a copy: health@intrinsic-wellness.com. This is a great resource for communicating our feelings when we feel upset or that a boundary was crossed.
Take a look below and see how many of your needs are being met. They do not need to be met by just one person. In fact it is good to also see the themes of where your needs are being met. E.g. if your needs are being met at home but not at all at work, ask yourself, how happy are you there? Is there something you can do to ensure your needs get met at work too.
Shireen Masani D.M. Dip. M.sc mBANT CNHC N.T is a BANT and CNHC registered nutritional therapist. She has an extensive background in natural and holistic medicine. Her journey as a practitioner began in 1999 when she trained and gained her diploma in Remedial massage with the Association of Therapeutic Massage. Aware she could help her clients more by acquiring further knowledge and skills, she went on to gain diploma’s in Cranial Sacral Therapy, Manipulative Science, Applied Kinesiology, Emotional Freedom Technique, Wrist and Ankle Acupuncture, Energy Medicine (Reiki & Seichem) to a Master level.
After running a successful practice for several years, Shireen experienced her own debilitating health issues and spent many years on a journey to regain her health, after having been bed ridden for 7 years. This led to further training at the College of Naturopathic Medicine where she studied Nutritional Therapy and later went on to study Live and Dry Blood Microscopy. Shireen has also completed training to an advanced level in Dr Klinghardt’s Autonomic Response Testing, Thought Field Therapy and Psych-Kinseology.
Alongside working with clients, Shireen is also a Clinical Supervisor for the College of Naturopathic Medicine and a mentor for Holistic Practitioners and Students.
Shireen believes everyone was born to reach their full potential supported by optimal health, emotional stability and a phenomenal mindset; determined in her practise to guide her clients to create the space to manifest a supportive lifestyle and environment. Through her clinic ‘Intrinsic Wellness,’ a business she created to help empower, educate, and reconnect her clients back to their deserved right to feel well - emotionally, spiritually, mentally and physically. By using a multi faceted approach Shireen has a unique insight and ability to be able to help clients with complex cases using her dynamic 360° outlook and helping to create harmony between the mind, body, spirit and environment.