Self Awareness
Your Body
with Shireen Masani
Emotional Resilience: Part 5
Self Awareness
What exactly is self awareness and why does it help when it comes to emotional resilience?
As humans we thrive when living in a community and being surrounded by others; this is an essential skill we possess in order to create and form strong bonds with others. We can also use it to improve our own abilities when reflecting regularly on our progress or challenges. Developing this skill enables us to learn from situations and understand our actions speeding up growth and learning from our mistakes.
In contrast, when we lack self awareness and reflective skills we can become fixated on others role, in our unhappiness or dissatisfaction. This can quickly lead to anger due to unresolved deeper feelings and a lack of actionable steps we can take, to resolve or learn from the initial situation.
Instead, if we reflect and see where we can own our part, we have the power and ability to make changes within us. If the blame is on another party, we cannot control their response and therefore this can be disempowering and ultimately lead to further frustration or resentment.
Children respond well to self reflection. It is essential for their happiness and autonomy as they develop. Teaching them how to reflect and become self aware empowers them and helps them make better choices from mistakes. If we just tell them they are wrong and do not give them the time to understand things clearly, how can we expect them to understand the context and when to apply their self awareness?
If this is something you are not used to doing, it can take a little time to truly reap the benefits from it. After all, you are having to shift your perception in order to look at a situation differently. The beauty is we have plenty of opportunities to practice and become a master of this skill.
Stop self sabotage - this is a consequence of either subconscious tapes reinforcing our lack of self worth and/or at a deep level not believing we deserve more for ourselves. If we were surrounded by a lot of negativity as children, be that directed at us or just around us, our brain becomes wired to prove we do not deserve the good and positive things in life. An easy example is money. If we were told there was not enough money, we went without, or we witnessed our parents struggles to get things fixed or buy necessary things like clothes, shoes and food, we subconsciously download this tape which becomes stored in our subconscious. As we grow up we might get a great job and earn decent money, however we always have a big crisis, which blows any savings we might have, or we are endlessly paying off debts so we cannot enjoy seeing more money. Or somehow we never feel nourished in that job and choose something that does not bring enough money, or worse still never feel deserving of a job. These are all forms of self sabotage. Whether you consciously see whats happening or not, until you deal with your money story, there will always be an additional challenge you face, which is not feeling deserving to have substantial amounts of money and hold on to it. Imagine having a huge container, those with a good money story will be able to fill the container no matter what their earnings are, someone with a poor money story will always struggle to fill the container and hold on to any money, no matter what their earnings are. Self sabotage relates to every area of our life not just money.
Become clear and honest with yourself about where you might be self sabotaging, are there any themes or frequent triggers that need addressing in your life e.g. in money, relationships, work or your self esteem? Incorporate some of the techniques listed in this article and last week’s (which can be found here), ideally try them for at least 6 weeks consistently, this helps to create healthy habits and also allows you to observe any changes.
Be honest with yourself - this is a tough one and can certainly trigger those who convince themselves they are ok, when really they are struggling. Often times we compare ourselves with others or what society expects of us e.g. working 40 hours a week, homeschooling during a pandemic, being a present and loving parent, even running our households alongside our interests and families can feel brutally exhausting at times. Some people at this point put themselves and their needs at the bottom of the list. Take time out to reflect on what you feel is most important to you. Is that being the best in your job or career, do you seek most pleasure from being an exceptional friend, partner, child or parent? Assess tasks you do, spend more time playing to your strengths as this brings far more satisfaction. Once you make time to expend the most energy in areas which help you to feel revitalised, life begins to flow far more graciously.
Realistically, we cannot be the best in every area of our life, some of us have more energy, focus and drive. There may be some people who cannot manage working full time and others that work beyond 40 hours. You are unique. Allow yourself to be the person you need to be. This might mean you need to give yourself more time, write a to-do list, carve out more breaks in your routine. Just being honest with how much you are able to take on, removes that feeling of being overwhelmed.
Be kind to yourself - forming healthy habits, prioritising our needs, changing boundaries are all things that take practice. Just like with a toddler learning to walk, we reinforce them with encouragement, joy at what they did achieve, rather than pointing out their lack of ability, it is important we begin forming a better internal dialogue with ourselves. Treat yourself with a tender, compassionate and encouraging voice and spend more time focussing on what you do manage to do, reflect on what is harder and be forgiving with yourself.
Communicate - if your stress levels are high and you have support around you, communicate and lean on others. Often we try to handle everything ourselves and sometimes those around us who love us, actually like to be able to help us. It can be hard at first, especially if we are naturally non-communicators. Just be patient with yourself and discuss what you find hard about asking for help and try to reach an understanding with those who can help you. When we communicate at the right time and take support or express our stress often, we do not end up over reacting.
Boundaries - this one is certainly challenging and also triggering for many. The dictionary defines boundaries as ~ a line which marks the limits of an area; a dividing line. Boundaries can be physical (your personal space, body or privacy) or emotional (simply put, a way to define yourself from another using an invisible shield which you control). Emotional boundaries are critical to form healthy relationships so both people can get the best out of each other. They help reduce stress, anxiety and depression.
So why does it feel so triggering and challenging to set them? Often it is fear of what happens if we say no or fear of how the person will react. When we have low self worth or a weak sense of our identity, it can be hard to set boundaries as we might lack the ability to know who we are and what we want exactly, then relying on another person to make decisions for us.
Unhealthy relationships with poor boundaries can look like this: where someone does not show you the respect you deserve, puts you down to make themselves feel better, makes you feel threatened (physically or mentally), speaks to you in a way that often leaves you feeling guilt or shame, any form of abuse, or you just feel very drained after most encounters with them. This is a clear sign you need to work on your boundaries.
Once a relationship has poor boundaries, trying to correct them can be very challenging, in some cases dangerous if abuse is involved. If abuse is involved, it maybe safer to work with a professional on creating safe and healthy boundaries. In any case, though it is good to become aware which relationships are causing stress due to inadequate boundaries and begin by reflecting on which boundaries you find hardest to maintain. Why might this be, how can you begin making changes that encourage people to respect these boundaries?
How we set boundaries, are learnt from our significant adults as children and also how we see those close to us being treated as children. In addition, it can be to do with our self worth and if we feel deserving of being treated better. It certainly requires a deeper understanding as to why we may struggle to uphold boundaries. Although there could be some people, it is easier to boundary than others. Family is generally the hardest, as the dynamic has been set for such a long time and often at a generational level. The good news is, once we stick to our boundaries and we create them to support us, we can actually improve relationships and reduce stress levels associated with seeing those people.
Ultimately it is never too late to make changes and support our emotions, gain more respectful relationships with ourselves and others whilst meeting our needs. When we chose to engage in healthy relationships, it strengthens us so we can be the most authentic version of ourselves with confidence and grace in all areas of our lives.
Shireen Masani D.M. Dip. M.sc mBANT CNHC N.T is a BANT and CNHC registered nutritional therapist. She has an extensive background in natural and holistic medicine. Her journey as a practitioner began in 1999 when she trained and gained her diploma in Remedial massage with the Association of Therapeutic Massage. Aware she could help her clients more by acquiring further knowledge and skills, she went on to gain diploma’s in Cranial Sacral Therapy, Manipulative Science, Applied Kinesiology, Emotional Freedom Technique, Wrist and Ankle Acupuncture, Energy Medicine (Reiki & Seichem) to a Master level.
After running a successful practice for several years, Shireen experienced her own debilitating health issues and spent many years on a journey to regain her health, after having been bed ridden for 7 years. This led to further training at the College of Naturopathic Medicine where she studied Nutritional Therapy and later went on to study Live and Dry Blood Microscopy. Shireen has also completed training to an advanced level in Dr Klinghardt’s Autonomic Response Testing, Thought Field Therapy and Psych-Kinseology.
Alongside working with clients, Shireen is also a Clinical Supervisor for the College of Naturopathic Medicine and a mentor for Holistic Practitioners and Students.
Shireen believes everyone was born to reach their full potential supported by optimal health, emotional stability and a phenomenal mindset; determined in her practise to guide her clients to create the space to manifest a supportive lifestyle and environment. Through her clinic ‘Intrinsic Wellness,’ a business she created to help empower, educate, and reconnect her clients back to their deserved right to feel well - emotionally, spiritually, mentally and physically. By using a multi faceted approach Shireen has a unique insight and ability to be able to help clients with complex cases using her dynamic 360° outlook and helping to create harmony between the mind, body, spirit and environment.