What if one of the main reasons relationships struggle, and sometimes fail, in today’s world, and indeed in turn, that humanity is messing up our relationship with this planet so monumentally, is because we have lost the essential balance between the Feminine and the Masculine? Everything I have learnt over the last couple of years suggests to me this is very much the case. But what does this actually mean? And how do we go about re-balancing the energies? 

It is difficult to imagine now, but women used to be revered, by most cultures, and their connection with Mother Earth was seen as vital for the harmonious relationship between humans and the planet to be maintained. The Yin and Yang partnership of the Masculine and the Feminine was held to be of great importance, and both men and women held their equal (although different) places in society. Women were (are!) the healers and the life givers, and Mother Earth continued to provide because this sacred partnership was preserved. It sounds like the thing of fairy tales, but the loss of this has shown that its reality was essential, and the breakdown of such a world has led us to where we are today.

Polly Higgins, when speaking to Sharon Blackie (see more below) says:

“I do think that men and women have a different approach and a different energy, but the critical thing of course is to find the right balance of both masculine and feminine energy in each person, in each situation. We need both perspectives, both energies in balance, to make whole decisions. And the suppression of feminine energy is a huge part of the problem in the world right now. It pushes down our ability as a civilisation to feel, and especially our capacity to feel great pain...Political and corporate decision-making is based on numbing out. And that’s how corruption sets in: coeur-ruption, a rupturing of the heart space. So we need to bring in the feminine quality, the capacity to feel. If we allow it to come through in ourselves, as women, to manifest it honestly in our lives, then we give permission for it to come through in men, and that very necessary rebalancing of male and female energies can take place. Of course the intellectual and rational is also important - but there is way too much of that in the world right now. It feels deeply unbalanced. If we were to allow ourselves properly to feel pain, to feel the Earth’s pain, we wouldn’t be able to make the decisions we do…”

So what went wrong?

Thousands of years ago, but especially compounded by the birth of the Roman Empire, Patriarchy took over. This system could not survive in an environment where women were revered for their mystical power, men had to be seen as the source of all power, and as such everything that was held as sacred was destroyed.

Women have been degraded and ‘controlled’ for so long now, and in turn the essential balance between the Feminine and the Masculine, for the planet to thrive, has been lost. With the Feminine (which it is important to note is found in all humans, but in much greater abundance with a woman who is connected to her true essence) comes heart and spirituality, and with the Masculine comes the head and rationale. Both are needed, but with an imbalance towards the Masculine we end up in a world where money and control of resources rule.

In Sharon Blackie’s incredible book: If Women Rose Rooted you will read of the story of the rape of the well-maidens. The women who used to safeguard this sacred source of life, the water from Mother Earth, were honoured and respected. She was just one of the many connections that came through women to Mother Earth, and there was a knowledge that respecting these Priestesses, with their innate spiritual wisdom, allowed continued harmony between nature and humanity. However as man became greedy, conquering land from one another, and not respecting the contracts with the land as they went, these women were abused and tossed aside viciously, and the land in turn lost its heart connection to the people who resided on it. Our sacred customs were destroyed, so that new stories could be put in their place, where men took centre stage, and the ‘dangerous’ magic of the Divine Feminine was hidden. As such we have grown up, as women, as just mere parts in men’s stories, and never as the centre role, and men have forgotten their spirituality in turn. We have not been taught our gifts and the importance of our role on this Earth. The balance has been lost, because ‘the machine’ needs us to have forgotten in order to operate the way it does today.

What impact has this had?

The breakdown of the Divine Feminine has manifested in women being second class citizens, up until the time came when we stood up for ‘equality’, but even since those brave women fought for our rights to vote and work, we have continued to be lost to ourselves. We have been competing still in ‘a man’s world’, trying to shoehorn ourselves into men, running in a linear fashion when at work, and yet still having to maintain the ‘required’ qualities of a woman within the home, as wife, mother, daughter and friend. We have spent thousands of years being subjugated, only to find ‘equality’ through our efforts to be the best of both men and women, and it has broken so many of us.

Rebecca Campbell in her wonderful book: Rise Sister Rise wrote, with regard to her early years trying to forge out a career in ‘the system’:

‘I pushed down my feminine power, sensitivities and innate intuitive wisdom, in order to climb the linear ladder. Ignoring my body’s natural rhythms in favor of endurance…We must heal the insecurities inherited from patriarchy that keep us caged. It is time to reclaim our connection with Shakti (power), innate wisdom (intuition), and ferocious, unconditional love.’

However this work is not just for women, it is for men too. Men (not to be confused with the term Masculine, which is just the essence most men hold in their core) have been broken down by Patriarchy too. Taught to push down emotions, to forget their spiritual connection to Earth, to just ‘man up’. As women have been forced to move more into their Masculine in order to ‘survive’ this has had the impact of the loss of the balance in the home, where men, when in their Divine Masculine energy hold space for the woman to create and radiate - the dance between the two being something to behold when done as Nature intended. Many men instead feel unnecessary now, and as such either respond with overt bravado, that can be dangerous within their physically powerful bodies, or instead withdraw into themselves, leading to a complete lack of communication and essential ‘marriage’ in partnerships.

I have seen this in my own relationship with Josh. I didn’t know how to be vulnerable, because my generation of women have been taught that vulnerability is weakness, and in fact is not safe - we have to be strong and be able to do it all in order to compete and survive in this world. We have to do it all, and have no time to stop, no capacity to surrender. It is important to note here, that this balance is essential in all relationships. Same sex relationships also need a dance between the Masculine and Feminine, and when one assumes the role of one of these as their constant persona, the other is forced into the other role. This is what is happening in many homes today. The woman is assuming the role of the Masculine, therefore often shaming the man into the Feminine, and in turn the woman is exhausted and the man feels lost; unable to explain how he feels.

How can it look different?

What is needed instead is an awareness from both parties of what it feels to truly sit in both the best versions of themselves, when both in the Masculine and Feminine energies, and then create a partnership which allows them both to dance between the two as is right. 

We need them both; women need to call upon the Masculine to succeed in their careers, goal setting, holding space for others (unless your work calls for you to be more intuitive in these moments). However, as John Wineland says (and I strongly encourage you to learn more from him because it has changed everything for me - see link below):

‘At home, if you want a polarized intimate dynamic with your masculine partner, that would be the moment in which you transition into your feminine through a ritual that feels good to you, such as taking a bath, dancing in your bedroom, singing in the shower, caressing your skin with essential oils, or putting on a piece of clothing that feels pleasurable, like a silk robe.’

Men crave this from women; that they are connected to their Sacred Feminine, and that they can in turn feel that which they so desperately want to experience through women, a connection to nature. 

Rebecca Campbell writes of ‘The Mystery of Woman’ in her book Rise Sister Rise, and says it to be:

‘A divine power as fierce as the tides, as great as the mountains, as wild as the jungle, as mysterious as the moonlight and as bright as the sun. A holy force that has been contained and restrained for millennia, but is ready to rise.’

As you explore more of John Wineland’s work you will learn how men long to feel this ‘holy force’, this ‘power as fierce as the tides’ through their partners, but it has been lost. The Sacred Feminine thrives with movement, with pleasure, with flow, and in today’s world that has been forgotten, and men miss it as much as the women who have the capacity, when in tune, to let it flow through them for both parties.

In turn women crave to feel through men, or through the Sacred Masculine, stillness and consciousness. This gift has been lost as humans have used the masculine energies for power hungry causes, as opposed to deep and meaningful intention for good through the use of the masculine intellect and rationale. Women crave to be held in a relationship, and men have forgotten how to ground themselves and move their energy down from their heads and into their hearts and down into the earth, in order they can hold safe space for their partners. Women have lost trust in men due to thousands of years of abuse, and it is now through remembering the beauty of the marriage between the Sacred Masculine and the Sacred Feminine, this can be fixed.

Not only this, but when this healing has been done, by both sides, comes harmony, the space for huge growth and creation, and in turn positive movement towards doing the right thing for ourselves as individuals, as couples, for our communities, humanity and the planet as a whole. Through this process we reawaken to the world as it was intended to be.

The good news is that the shift is happening! What we are experiencing right now is the breaking down of the old systems playing out before us. The Mayan’s predicted the end of the world in 2012, but many now believe that this was the end of Patriarchy as we know it, and the Age of Aquarius began. Many women began to step into their power at this time, and reconnect to their Sacred Feminine wisdom; moving on to teach others to do the same, and I hope my work plays a part in this process.

This work has to start within us as individuals, and then can be passed on to our daughters and sons. Let them know who they are, and where they are rooted...so we can heal this for ourselves, those who have passed before, and those who are yet to come! 

The image above is a sculpture called "Gravity" by Lorenzo Quinn - I felt it summed up this topic so well.

Listen to John Wineland share his wisdom, when speaking to Juliet Allen here.