Let Me Clear My Throat
As I lay in bed on Thursday night, I was so tired, but I couldn’t stop my mind repeating to me the words: ‘Let me clear my throat’. To start with I thought I was randomly being reminded of the DJ Kool song I loved so much from my teenage years (google it if you don’t know what I mean - I won’t link it up here, it doesn’t really fit the vibe - ha!).
It then came to me that I literally had something in my throat that I needed to clear, that I needed to bring out of me and into the world. For about 4 weeks now I have been repeatedly receiving the message that I need to start writing poems. I used to write poems all the time in my teenage years. I am no Poet Laureate, by any stretch of the imagination, but I took a great joy from it, and yet it is something I haven’t done now for about 25 years! I had no idea why I was being called to it again, and up until this point in bed didn’t pay much attention to it. Suddenly however I sat up in bed, picked up my phone, and this poured out of me. It took literally 5 minutes. I shared it with Josh, reflected a little, lay my head back down, and then more words started to come. I thought to myself: “Not another poem! Please, I need to sleep!” but I realised it was another verse for this poem, and once I had added it in, I was done - a little cry and then asleep in seconds flat.
I have had moments in my life over the last decade where I have been really aware of energetic shifts happening in me. Shedding of belief patterns that aren’t aligned to my true self, and an increase in my belief in myself, and my unique gifts that I bring to this world, and this lifetime. I won’t go into detail around what I am experiencing right now, but it is another of those ‘moments’. I find these times overwhelming, sometimes frustrating, because as a mother I don’t have the time I feel I need to dedicate to myself to fully harness what is coming up for me, but mostly I find them incredibly exciting! Something big always comes out as a result. I am committed to the process of becoming the truest version of me, and always evolving to meet whatever I am being shown. Let’s see what this ‘moment’, however long it lasts, brings. For now I share this with you. It is very raw for me, but I want to put it out into the world; take from it whatever comes for you.
Let me clear my throat.
I’ve got something to say.
It’s been lodged there inside of me,
And now I have to speak it, come what may.
“You’re too much.” “You’re self-righteous.”
No. What if I’m just right? What if “too much” just means you’re scared of my light?
My worth will no longer be held down by you.
Your weight has disappeared.
I am not something to be silenced,
Nor something to be feared.
My objective isn’t to patronise or belittle you, but rather to empower.
I share with good intention, not from an ‘Ivory Tower’.
I learnt to dim myself. I learnt to not be me.
I saw how who I was scared you, and so I learnt to keep myself less, and let less of me be all that people see.
I know I’m far from timid. I know I’m far from quiet.
My confidence is deceiving, but I know now what is true: I’m less of me than I should be, and it’s not good for me or you.
I have a truth inside of me and it’s bursting to be free: I’m right, I’m bright, I am a light, and it’s time for all to see.
Oh go on then! Let Me Clear My Throat - DJ Kool - you’re welcome!
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