Where it all started for me

I can’t remember my first bleed. When I was training to be a Moon Mother we went through an exercise together, remembering our first bleeds, and processing the potential trauma, which sadly most women there felt around it. The fact that I don’t remember mine I assume suggests I had no trauma, which isn’t a surprise because I remember my Mom always being open about her period (although she definitely did not have a love affair with it - sadly for her it was always a painful process). Most women in the room had felt shame around their first bleed, or were even surprised about it, having never even known it was coming. I never felt any of these things, it just felt very normal to me, so much so I was there to support my friends as it came to them.

The support I gave was to stand outside the toilets directing them to use tampons. I always remember my Mom’s Lillets in the basket in her bathroom. I started with Tampax, as did all of my friends. It was all we knew. There were of course warnings about toxic shock syndrome, but I think we took it with a pinch of salt, and just tried to be vigilant about changing regularly. Little did we know that was far from the only thing we should have been concerned about!

Why are tampons not great?

The ingredients of tampons do not need to be listed on the box, but here is a list of the most agreed upon things that are in tampons:

• Non-organic cotton

• Synthetic fibres such as viscose rayon

• Polyester or polyethylene and polypropylene

• Dioxin chemicals

• Artificial ​fragrances

• Artificial colours

• Adhesives

• Chlorine

BPA (bisphenol A)

This isn’t just limited to tampons, but also applies to sanitary pads. The bleaching agents are there to make them look super white, and therefore ‘super pure’! Exactly what we would expect if we are putting them into a sensitive area, or what society would expect of us, to keep that area very ‘pure’ and ‘clean’!

You can also now get scented tampons and pads that neutralise the smell of your blood. How horrific that women would smell of anything other than flowers!? Of course though this ‘desired effect’ is achieved with artificial fragrances, which have horrific consequences for the delicate balance of pH and naturally occurring bacteria in our vaginas - let alone for our overall health when these artificial chemicals cause havoc with our cells. And in fact, using products like this, which impact on the natural balance down below, actually end up causing strange discharge and ‘weird’ smells, due to unwanted infections, which can become quite serious!

Where did I go next?

It was back around 2005 that I decided I was no longer going to use tampons. I remember being at Glastonbury Festival, and every toilet I was in there was an advert for MoonCups. I decided I was going to give it a go! It took a bit of getting used to, but eventually I loved using it! My biggest concern was how I was going to empty it in the day time, but it actually was always fine. I would empty it down the toilet and just give it a quick wipe around if necessary. I would then give it a proper wash in the shower every night, and before I used it when I had my next bleed I would boil it in a saucepan for 10 minutes, to make sure it was sterilised. 

I loved that it meant my blood could flow freely, without being absorbed by a nasty chemical laden ‘cotton’ tube, and that also I was doing something good for the environment. Tampons and conventional pads are one use only. They are a huge money making scheme, taking advantage of something no woman can avoid (and in my case now wouldn’t want to!). One time use and then gone! Menstrual cups are with you for life! (Well you need a different size after you have had children, but other than that, they are yours for always!).

Now these days there are lots of brands of menstrual cups out there. I am sure many are far better than MoonCups, with perhaps more emphasis on being organic, and if I still used one, I suspect I would have swapped by now.

Where I have ended up.

However, I don’t. The move for me came when I was first going out with Josh. So this was 2008. I was staying with him, at his mum’s house (because yes he lived with his mum until he was 29!), and my bleed started. I asked her if I could sterilise my MoonCup in a saucepan. Yes I thought twice about this, but even back then I was very open, and assumed every woman would ‘get it’. Wrong. I guess it was a step too far for her, so I ended up having to sneak it upstairs in a mug of boiled water, and hoped for the best. Well it wasn’t good enough, and I ended up with a mild infection. It was then it occurred to me how wrong it felt for me to be putting something inside of me at all. It took me a few years of sporadically using my MoonCup, but also when I could just stuffing my pants with tissue (not advised!), but eventually my journey with cloth, washable pads began!

At the time they were less popular than they are now, and so I ended up buying some from a lady in Canada. For me the ceremony of my bleed, which by that point I had begun to see as a sacred and wonderful part of being a woman, and something to be honoured, meant that I had to have some ‘ceremonial’ cloth pads. I chose random designs, including a beautiful print of women dancing together all dressed in red, some fun patterns, and...a Downton Abbey design...ha ha...what would The Crawley family have made of that!?

To this day these are the pads I use. They still work very well. The poppers have started to go though, and you will be glad to know that in honour of this blog post, I bought myself some more last week, which are shown in the photo for this blog (aren’t they lovely!). I bought them from Aunt Fanny’s Pads on Etsy. You can get all different designs, sizes, and absorbency. I don’t bleed heavily, so I went for medium, and I like mine quite long (they are super cosy!), so I went for 11.5 inches. Measure your pants and think about how much coverage you would like, and go from there. I don't bleed heavily, so I often only need 1 pad a day, and then 1 at night, but towards the end I don’t even need a new one at night. I bleed for about 5 days. 8 pads is more than enough for me. I tell you this because if you decide to buy some it might help gauge how many you need. I would perhaps start with just a couple so you can test the absorbency and size. The first ones I bought in a range of sizes and absorbencies, but have always preferred the longer ones, with medium absorbency, so I just went with those only with this purchase.

A note on washing your pads: I just shove mine in the wash basket to be honest, and then wash them with like colours. They need to be washed on 30, with a very natural washing detergent, but this works because I wash all of our clothes at this temperature and of course always with a natural washing detergent. You should never tumble dry your pads, as they will lose absorbency and most likely the poppers will break more easily, and the fabric will become damaged. 

Why do I think this is important?

The benefits of washable pads are plentiful. I love of course how environmentally friendly they are, but most importantly I love how they connect you to your bleed. There is a lot you can tell from physically seeing your blood. For example clots can be a sign of too much stress over the month leading up to your bleed, so you can take note to take it easier the following month, but a painful, heavy, clotted bleed can also be a sign you have not eaten at your optimal over this time, again something you can then address. It can of course also mean, if consistent, a health concern, as your bleed should not really be full of clots, nor is it ‘normal’ for it to be incredibly painful and very heavy.

By wearing washable pads, we also get the advantage of not being able to just ‘forget’ we are bleeding. You are very aware when you have the soft, cosy cloth in between your legs (which by the way in no way feels gross!), and so you are reminded to slow down and rest. Part of the reason society has encouraged tampons, is to hide away our bleed...to push on like men...detach from being a woman. Cloth pads are two fingers up to Patriarchy in many ways - “I am going to be comfortable, cosy, conscious and reflective in this phase...and enjoy every moment!”.

I know a lot of women are moving over to cloth pads, but I also am very aware that this in many circles is not spoken about. I feel saddened when I see some women still feel uncomfortable about talking about their bleed, and even more uncomfortable when I suggest this is something they should be openly sharing with their children. Another benefit of menstrual cups or cloth pads (it may be a transition period for you), is that it is really out there in the open with your family. The cup or pads are always present in your home, and I personally made sure never to hide the process from my children (the joy of ever being left alone on the toilet anyway is something I can’t even imagine!). Both of my children are not freaked out by my period, and they know it is something that I am in fact grateful for. The opportunity to rest, to reflect, to cleanse - I am so glad that both of them will take this forward into their adults lives, but especially for Savannah. When her time comes I will be sure it is a moment she remembers, and hopefully cherishes - the sacred rite of passage of her first bleed (menarche) - and for sure I will be armed with some pretty cloth pads for her to use!

I wanted to write this post because I feel passionately about connecting women back into themselves, and supporting them as we collectively break free from society’s desire to hide the wonders of being a woman away, and I feel this is one easy, and kind of fun (I love the fun designs!), way we can, as a collective, start to do this. If you have ANY questions, do not hesitate to get in touch. If you feel called to do so, comment below. I would love to know your journey in this space.

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