The Song of the Child
The Song of the Child
How this blog came to pass
Last week I was listening to an incredible conversation about the schooling system (must listen from Mamalution, episode 49 on the schooling system, which you can find here), and it was mentioned about The Song of the Child from Namibia. I was so touched by the story that I wanted to research it more and share it with you all here. With my research I have not found the detail I had hoped for, but in fact discovered that it may not even be true, so today I am going to share ‘the story’ that has been shared, and then reflect on why, true or not, it touched me, and why I feel the ethos behind it is really relevant to the work we are doing to (re)discover our truth + our purpose.
The Story
So the story goes that in Namibia, the Himba tribe, rather than counting the day a child is conceived as the first day of pregnancy, instead they could the day the mother decided to have a child. At this point, the mother is said to go off and sit under a tree, by herself, and listen until she can hear the song of the child who wants to come. After she’s heard her child’s song, the mother comes back to the child’s father, and teaches him the song. When the child is conceived, they sing the song of the child as a way of inviting the child into the world.
Then when the mother becomes pregnant she teaches that child’s song to the midwives and the old women of the village, so that when the child is born, all the women and the people gather around him/her and sing the child’s song to welcome him/her. As the child grows up, the other villagers are taught the child’s song. If the child falls, or gets hurt, someone picks him/her up and sings to him/her his/her song. When the child does something wonderful, or goes through the rites of puberty, then as a way of honouring this person, the people of the village sing his or her song. Equally, the story tells us, that if a Himba tribesman or tribeswoman commits a crime or something that is against the Himba social norms, the villagers call him or her into the centre of the village and the community forms a circle around that person and sing their birth song to them. It is said this is done because the Himba views correction not as a punishment, but as love and remembrance of identity. For when you recognise your own song, you have no desire or need to do anything that would hurt another. In marriage, the songs are sung, together. And finally, when the person is laying on their deathbed, all the villagers that know his or her song come and sing, for the last time, the song of the child
What did I take from this?
Now as I said my research uncovered that this story could be false. Whilst there are many beautiful blog posts about it, there are also some who discredit it and suggest it is incorrect for it to be shared. I have no way of knowing for sure, sadly, but what I do know is, true or false, the very idea of such a song, and its purpose, felt inherently right to me.
What if every child had their own song? Whenever it was written, before or after birth. Even if it wasn’t a song, even if it was just a list of everything that their family recognised that was good in them, and it was regularly repeated to them, in moments of celebration and in moments where it was important to remind them of who they were! What would the world look like then?
The world would be full of human beings who knew their strengths, who knew their purpose, and who knew their worth. The world would be full of people who felt loved. The world would be full of people who knew their truth, and not because they had been ‘told’ who they were, but because they had always been recognised as an individual and celebrated for that.
This story (or possible truth) highlights for me how backwards the majority of humanity has it. The system is set up to condition us all to be the same, and to punish us if we step outside of the accepted norms. We are therefore taught that it is wrong to be different and therefore more often than not, scared to stand in our truth. Girls are told they are pretty, cute, adorable, boys are told they are brave, strong, handsome. “Not these days” I hear some of you say, “now we are all conscious of not putting children in a stereotypical box”. Well yes, possibly it is true, sometimes maybe even to the extreme for fear of not being ‘PC’, but nonetheless, regardless gender specific language being used or not, we still teach our children that they are ‘good’ if they fit into society’s norms. From TV shows, to gaming, to the school system, to the music they listen to, it is all leading to social conditioning, and more often than not, not once has someone stopped to see the uniqueness + individual purpose in that child.
The Song of the Child spoke to me because it connects us to the idea that each child has a unique soul, and a unique purpose. Whether the mother can hear that before the child is conceived or not, I believe that it is true. I believe that each + every one of us is called to this life to fulfil a very specific purpose, and that the sooner we recognise that in each child, and teach them to know it, and believe it to their core, and then live each day taking this as their number one priority to be responsible for in life, before anything else, then we will truly have a better world. Social causes are often just distraction from the self. They are easier to ‘work on’ than coming back to the self + being the best version of ‘you’. Personal responsibility is key, but first the child (the human) needs to know who they are, and to stop adults having to do the work to remember, what if we started from birth, teaching, and supporting each child to know their ‘song’.
Here are some things I put into practice regularly with my children:
I ask them what they are good at
I ask them what they are known for
I ask them what makes them happy
I ask them what makes them feel good
If they ask me if they should do something, I ask them how the idea of doing it feels in their body
I make sure they know that people can only be in their space if they give them permission to be there
If they are arguing with one another I ask them how they would feel if the opposite was happening to them
If I do something in our relationship where my experiences of childhood come forward and I speak or behave in a way that isn’t respectful of them, I go back to them afterwards and acknowledge it, explain how I felt, where I felt I was in the right, and where I felt I was in the wrong, and we talk it through - in turn I have found they do the same back to me
I ask them how they see their futures
I let them choose their own clothes, regardless of the ‘occasion’
I let them take risks, even when it scares me
I engage with them about what they want to learn as part of our homeschooling experience
I have no expectations that they will follow any particular life path (including education)
I trust that they will know themselves so completely, and trust in themselves, that they will make the choice that is perfect for them in the moments (I see it even to this day at their young age)
I listen to them
I acknowledge them + their wonderful uniqueness
I respect them
I am not perfect, but I show up for them as the best version of me as I can be at this time, and hope they feel that
With love, and in constant pursuit of truth,
Rochelle x
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